Is this “The One?”

It’s a question I hear a lot in my work as a Sacred Love Mentor.

Usually, the person asking is well along their path to love. They’ve set a strong intention. They’ve cleared out their past, visualized, and gotten clear on what they desire in a partner.

Now their outside world is shifting to match their blooming self-worth inside. Maybe they’ve found someone wonderful who shares their core values, and whose company they truly enjoy.

BUT, they continue: “I’m not sure,” “I just can’t commit,” “something doesn’t feel quite right.”

They’re at a crossroads in the relationship, and they’re seeking a magic formula to find out if this person is “The One.”

Either way, there’s FOMO.

If they leave, they fear they’re walking away from someone who is their “One” (and they just haven’t opened their hearts enough to take them in).

If they stay, they fear they’ll miss out on someone else who is a better fit (their authentic sacred partner in life).

If you’re in this situation, let me reassure you: either way, you will not miss out on love.

I come from the Kathryn Alice school of thought: “You can’t mess things up with your Soulmate.”

If your current partner is your sacred partner, no amount of wavering you do will keep them from you. Even if you take space to figure it out, something will keep drawing you back to them, and they will welcome you back into their loving arms.

If the person you’ve met is not your true love, you won’t miss out on your actual “One.” Perhaps there is a reason you are in your current relationship now- maybe there’s something you’re learning from them. Even though it seems like a winding path, you can trust that it will ultimately lead to your great love.

Here are 5 things to consider if you’re unsure about someone you’re dating:

1.     Give it at least three months. It can take time to get clarity on whether you’re a full “no” or “yes” to someone. In that time, pay attention to how you feel in your body when you’re with them. Do you feel free and expansive? Or tight and constricted? When one of those feelings becomes predominant, you’ll have your answer (if a clear answer comes before 3 months, no need to run out the clock. See principle #5 below). 

2.     You could be “Crawling into Love.” There’s a romanticization of “knowing right away” when you’ve found the One. But this doesn’t always happen. On my first date with my husband, Darrin, I didn’t know he was my One. I simply felt warmth in my heart space, and an eagerness to see him again. By date #5, I was all in. It might take you a little longer to get there. Charlotte Kasl calls this “crawling” into love (vs. “falling”). Kathryn Alice calls it a “slow grow.” Embrace your own timing, and don’t pressure yourself to figure it out right away.

3.     It could be your “One Before Your One.” This is typically the last person you date seriously (or semi-seriously) before you find your One. It can be confusing because there’s so much that feels right, but not everything gels. You are not wasting your time by being in this relationship. Often, this person is giving you the missing piece you need before you’re ready for Love. Read my story of finding my “One Before My One” on the Lunchtime Quickies website here.

4.     Don’t Dwell in Doubt. If you need more info about your partner to help you get clear, ASK THEM! Don’t search for clues, and don’t ask other people in your life their opinion (because they just don’t know). This is your opportunity to practice being authentic with someone you care about, and you’ll need that skill for sacred partnership anyway. Ask with a spirit of caring curiosity, and they’re more likely to answer from their heart.

5.     Trust your Gut. If you’ve given it sufficient time, asked them everything you need to, and you still feel uneasy in your body around your current partner, it might be time to let them go. Hard as it may be, you are creating an openness in your life (and theirs) that will be filled up with sacred love, in perfect timing.

Christina McMahon is a love coach and certified somatic counselor. Over the past seven years, she has helped hundreds of conscious singles remove inner barriers to love and step into the love life they desire and deserve. 

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